Self-check

"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer."
— Albert Camus

So one of my three 2008 resolutions -- the last and the most important -- was to 'be happy.'

How am I doing on this one?

I'm giving myself a bit more self-kindness lately, not preaching with that caustic 'you're no good' inner voice taught and perfected by my mother and older sister over so many years of rip-downs.

I'm giving myself time to unwind when I get home -- sometimes 30 minutes (timer-:) on the couch with Siameezers on the lap, sometimes a full nap, sometimes just sitting with some Tivo catch-up -- but it's time and it's working.

I'm giving myself silence and peace.

I'm listening to music and reading before I turn out the lights every night, which helps me relax and sink into the warmth of the blankets/bed.

I'm grateful and saying it -- every night, last thing I do, with as many positives as I can throw in there. That's probably best of all.

I'm still beating myself up when I look in a mirror -- again, thanks to my parents and older sister -- unrelenting negatives about your looks plus the constant negative emphasis on unachievable perfection does that to one. I GET it, but the habit's hard to break.

So don't look in the mirror quite so much.

If at all. Does it REALLY matter?

I'm trying to leave work at work and bring only positive mindsets home. That means I'm not answering the phone if I don't feel like it, especially if I know (called i.d. -- godsend-:) it's someone who will gossip and carry on way past rationality about things we can't change. I'm trying to accept the fact that I CAN'T change some things, especially those fostered by our inept and selfish district administrators. They will answer for all of this someday, but that 'someday' isn't a given and isn't on the calendar -- yet. Someday...

I KNOW I CAN do the things my heart desires. I KNOW I can write. I KNOW I can publish books and do well. I KNOW I can.

The best way I can be kind to myself? Just DO it.

There's the rub. The joy and the rub. The 'do' is the hard part, but it'll get easier each and every day if I just let it evolve and I try.

TRY. DO.

and be kind about it.